In the allegorical style, Aravind Bhatikar takes a quizzical look at the nature of governance or rather misgovernance in Goa.

GOAPUT, LIKE LILLIPUT is a small State.  Its citizens are small people with big brains but small minds.  Because of their big brains, they appear swollen headed.

Like the other states in the country, Goaput also has a political system called Demockery.  Under this system, the Goaputans elect 40 people whose sole object for the next five years or less is to get as rich as possible.

There are two main political parties in Goaput, the Pejek Dee Party and the Tonga Race Party.  The Pejek Dee party is so called because their leaders were caught, in video films, accepting bribe with folded hands, as if they were asking for alms.  Pejek Dee are words in the sukknni language spoken by Goaputans.  Rabindranath Tagore once heard a few Goaputan women chatting in this language and said that it sounded like a birds’ language.  ‘Birds’ mean sukknni in the local language.  Hence the language of Goaputans, from then on, came to be known as the sukknni language.  Pej (pronounced ‘pears’) is a porridge-like rice preparation which many older Goaputans take as brunch.  The Goaputan beggars, (very few of them are left now. Most of them have joined politics since they have found out that it is more lucrative to beg once in five years) use the word Pejek dee while begging.

The Tonga Race party is so called because leaders of this party are always racing with each other for power.  However, they never finish the race because they run very slowly, in fits and starts, like old-time tongas.  That is why Goaputans have named it the Tonga Race party.

The Pejek Dee party is ruling Goaput and the Tonga Race party is in the Opposition.

The Chief Minister of Goaput is Gharoghar Parritler.  He wants one boy in every Goaputan house to be converted into a Hitler.  That is why Goaputans call him Gharoghar Parritler.

Parritler has a secret Cabinet which lays down the policy and strategy for running the Government and for achieving Parritler’s objective.  The other members of this secret Cabinet are Shabash Bolingker, Ghaatrao Singh Mone and Shabu Slumgaonker.  Shabash Bolingker is the Supremo of the outfit called Self Service Society (S.S.S.).  The objective of this society is to serve the nation through self service.  Shabash Bolingker is the political guru of Parritler and every time he bowls a political googly, the SSS elders give him a pat on the back and say, “Shabash!”  Hence, he has come to be known as Shabash Bolingker.  Bolingker is a member of the secret Cabinet even though he is not elected and not a member of the Pejek Dee party.  Ghaatrao Singh Mone actually is a veteran of the Tonga Race party and is the Leader of the Opposition in the Goaput Assembly.  He never speaks in the Assembly.  That is why Goputans call him ‘Mone’, - a sukknni language word to mean “dumb”.  He has also a habit of betraying the Tonga Race party time and again.  Hence he is called Ghaatrao.  The word Ghaat in the sukknni language means betrayal.  Ghaatrao Singh Mone is a member of the secret Cabinet of Parritler because he gives expert advice on how to damage the Tonga Race party.  In exchange, for his services to the Pejek Dee party, he, his wife and son are looked after well by Parritler.  Shabu Slumgaonker who has recently shifted from the Tonga Race party to the Pejek Dee party wants to convert Goaput into a big slum and make Goaputans stay in those slums so that they can remain poor and he can become rich at their cost.  He is a member of the secret Cabinet because he can bring at a moment’s notice thousands of slum dwellers for Pejek Dee party’s public meetings.

Every Monday evening, before Parritler watches his interview on the Goaput Viewsline on the local TV channel, he conducts a meeting of the secret Cabinet in a secret place on the hill.  The following is a verbatim account of the secret meeting last Monday.

Parritler : (Smiling) We have put the new Governor totally on the defensive.  Guruji, your idea of highlighting the Governor’s Christian background in the Government press release was fantastic.

Bolingker : “Even if he wants to take any action against the Pejek Dee Government now, he will be doubly cautious, because we can always call him anti Hindu.

Slumgaonker : I do not like this Christian Hindu politics.  Why should you do this?  Slums are open to all !

Parritler: Tum oggi rao re ! You can’t understand this politics !

Mone: Arre, the question is how will you permanently prevent the Governor  from taking action against our Government ?

Shabu: Why do you call it “our” Government ? You are not a part of the Government.  You are in the Opposition. (Everybody laughs)

Bolingker: I have another idea.  There are hundreds of zatras in Goaput temples.  All the main pujas and functions are after midnight.  The Governor can be invited to all these zatras one after another.  He will definitely accept these invitations to prove that he is secular.  Like this we can prevent him from sleeping at night time.  Since he is already old, he will have to sleep during day time and he will find less time to investigate into complaints against us.

Shabu: But Governor may not require the whole night for the function; 23 hours may be enough.

Parritler: No, No ! I will ask the Goaput Infrastructure Corporation to dig up the roads on Governor’s route every time he goes to a temple, so that he spends more time on the road.

Mone: Arre, you be careful, aanh ! Last time, before Parliament election you asked them to dig the Bhainguinim road in South Goaput.  They dug the Mangrem road of North Goaput.

Parritler: That is because the contractor from Mumbai did not know the geography here.  We have to take that risk while employing contractors from outside Goaput.

Bolingker: Yes, yes, outside contractors are more useful than the Goaput contractors.  (everybody laughs)

Shabu: I have another idea.

Parritler: It was your idea to give computer to all boys and girls in Goaput so that we can spread the Hitler virus through these computers.  I implemented that idea and now I am in trouble.

Bolingker: What trouble ?

Parritler: We gave computers in those houses which did not have electricity and which did not have phones.  If they don’t have phones we will not be able to spread the Hitler virus through internet.

Mone: Why did you give computers to such people ?

Bolingker: On the recommendation of SSS volunteers.

Shabu: In all my slums, hundreds of computers are burnt due to voltage fluctuations.

Bolingker: (To  Parritler) You must do something about the Power Minister.

Parritler: Do you have any ideas, Guruji ?

Bolingker: Let me think !  In the meantime, I have prepared plans to increase our vote bank in South Goaput for next Parliamentary elections.

Parritler: Next meeting !  It is time now for me to watch my interview on the Goaput Viewsline.  Inspite of paying them so much they don’t give good publicity to my torn chappal, shabby bushshirt and grey hair and keep on asking difficult questions without prior notice.  Mone, please give them some proper advice.

Mone: If you want, my son can start a new channel for you !

Parritler: Let us discuss it next time.

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