Goa is a land of plenty. Plenty of idle young men and loads of shipees. But that’s not what the hard working Goan spinster is looking for. She is finding it hard to find the ‘right’ man of her dreams. JONQUIL SUDHIR catches up with some lone rangers.

O Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou Romeo?

Nowhere in sight apparently. Judging by the rising number of single women in their late 20s and 30s in Goa, Romeo is indeed getting harder and harder to find. Just ask Jennifer, a 25-year-old history teacher. She is under tremendous pressure from her parents to settle down. She has no qualms about tying the knot. She has a permanent job, a decent income and wants to have children. But there is a serious dearth of appropriate suitors around. The last man who displayed an interest in her was an undergraduate who works as a mechanic in a nearby garage. The proposals brought to her parents are either of shippees or men twice her age and size. All the like-minded men she knows are either married or have gone abroad in search of greener pastures. Which leaves her with no option but to sit around until Mr. Right (hopefully) shows up.

Priya thought she had found Mr. Right. Her boyfriend of seven years was just the person she was looking for – sensitive, good looking, witty and intelligent. But he was lacking one important thing – a job. After graduation, Rajesh was just not willing to settle for meagre wages in a small business establishment. On the lookout for a get-rich-quick career, Rajesh wiled away his time searching for the job of his dreams while Priya joined a call centre in Pune and worked her way up from a Rs.5000 to a Rs.15, 000 salary. Priya is now secure enough to get married, but Rajesh isn’t. He remains unemployed and is still in search of that dream job. Something that Priya found hard to digest. “Here I was, slogging everyday, working day and night to save enough money for our wedding and all he did was sit at home. As if a million dollar job would fall into his lap in his living room! I finally realised he was never going to make anything out of himself. We broke up last month.”

And then there are those whose occupations get in the way of finding a lifetime companion. Jessica, a journalist working for a local daily says, “This ‘write’ profession has not enabled me to find the right man.” Another female journalist agrees. “I spend most of my time running around following stories. There is no time to look for a man. I do meet many people everyday, but then they are intimidated by my profession. People seem to be of the opinion that female reporters are wild, independent women who cannot be tamed into marriage or commitment.”

Jennifer, Priya and Jessica are not alone. Several of their friends and colleagues are in a similar plight.. All single women in their mid or late 20s are even eager to settle down, but unable to find the right man. The key word being ‘right.’ Women are no longer willing to settle for any man, a never-at-home shippee or a fairly well off, but brain dead husband. They are now waiting longer, thinking harder and choosing wiser. Yes, women are being more selective about who they marry. After all, the rest of their lives are at stake. Suhasini points out, “I am not willing to get married to someone unless he has a decent job and is well settled. There have been many proposals, but none of the grooms-to-be had a steady job. How can I marry someone who changes jobs every six months? The problem with Goan guys is that, if they don’t find the right job that pays a six-figure salary, they would rather sit at home. We women take what we get and then look for job satisfaction. By the time men they find a job they like (if they ever do) they are 45, broke and too old to marry.”

Money alone will not do. They are searching for the right combination of intellectual compatibility and financial security. “My parents keep pressurising me to get married to this one guy. Just because he’s the heir to his father’s business and is well settled. But he is the most boring person I know. He doesn’t know how to carry on a decent conversation. I have to say 100 lines before he utters so much as a sound. I keep trying to tell my parents that if I’m already fed up after three meetings, how do they expect me to live with and tolerate him for the rest of my life?!” says 27-year-old Christina.

And the women are not willing to compromise. They are no longer forced to marry men for financial support. Most women these days are employed and stand on their own feet. They may not draw sizable salaries in the beginning, but they work hard, are more economical and save a reasonable amount. They are also more educated and focused. They know what they want and nothing less will do. Educated, intelligent, financially stable, hardworking, willing to pitch in when it comes to household chores and more importantly, willing to give her space and respect her independence. But how many eligible bachelors fit the bill?

Belinda’s parents, frustrated with looking for a financially secure, intelligent, educated man settled in Goa, took the search abroad. They found a suitable match and the couple are now engaged. But that doesn’t mean every woman’s solution to marriage lies across the sea. There are more horror stories than fairytale romances. Agnes got married to a man she and her family thought was a manager in a Dubai-based hotel. Imagine her surprise when she went to Dubai and found out that her ‘manager’ husband was actually the head steward in the hotel’s restaurant. Agnes and her husband stayed in the hotel’s staff quarters, a one room apartment with a stove and a TV. Not quite the palace she had imagined!

But no need to fret. Cupid could be aiming his arrow at you right at this moment and if all the romance novels are to be believed, Mr. Right is out there waiting to bump into you. Jennifer remains optimistic. “Even though I haven’t met him yet, I do believe that there is someone meant for me. I just have to find him.” Is anybody listening?

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