Contrary to what the Goaputians are given to understand, Goaput is efficiently managed by men of principles. Principles that pay.ARAVIND BHATIKAR.

THE MEETING of the Goaput secret Cabinet last Monday took place in the Fondla forest rest house, to avoid the crisis that the Cabinet had to face previously in the offshore casino and the sky-bus. Most animals in the mini-zoo there had strong objection to these politicians coming there. The king cobra was afraid that he might die of CMake poisoning, if he accidentally bites the CM. The cheetah was unhappy since politicians, more violent than him, would visit his forest and reduce his importance. The monkeys were indifferent because they could no longer learn from politicians how to jump from one tree to another. They heard that there was now a law which made it difficult for MLAs to shift from one party to another. The leopard was the happiest because it could learn from these politicians how to change spots faster. It was only after the Conservator of the forest had detailed discussions with all animals and reptiles and convinced them that there would be no harm to their morality from these politicians that he could get their NOC for the secret cabinet meeting.
Parritler and Bolingker arrived one hour before the scheduled time of the meeting. They wanted to discuss some very confidential matters before the others arrived.

Bolingker: You can now heave a sigh of relief since the Key Advisory Group for IFFI has told the press that the Inter-Notional Filth Festival will take place this year itself in Goaput.

Parritler: No, no. Gurujee, you have missed the real point. The non-official members of the Advisory Group only gave their opinion but the Government of India officers who came with the group did not say a single word. I strongly suspect that this Tonga Race Party Government at the Centre wants to hold the Filth Festival this time in some other place. I told the media persons to give misleading headlines to save our face.

Bolingker: It really does not matter now because we have collected funds for the Party through IFFI Projects. That was our objective.

Parritler: (Laughing) That is true! Anyway, let us wait and see.

Bolingker: By the way, I hope there is no danger to you because of that High Court decision which said that officers who do not implement properly the CRZ regulation should be punished.

Parritler: No, no. It says only officers to be punished, not ministers. You know that in our Indian politics, politicians are never punished only officers suffer, whether they obey politicians or not. In Goaput the Coastal Zone Mismanagement Authority itself has given many illegal orders and no objection certificates. The Chief Secretary himself is the Chairman of this Authority. Who will punish him? Nobody. We do not have to worry.

Bolingker: We must be careful about Ghaatrao Singh Mone. Nowadays he is making strong statements against Pejek Dee Party and speaks very often on the platform of Tonga Race Party.

Parritler: He is very clever; he wanted to join Pejek Dee Party sometime back. I told him that he could be of more use to us by remaining in that Party. That is why I have given him and his family different positions in our Government. But now after our Government is defeated in Delhi, he is changing his ideas. It looks like that! Let me see!

Bolingker: You made a statement to the press about tackling migrant population. I hope you know that those migrants who have come from neighbouring Konkan region and settled down in Goaput are the main force of S.S.S. in Goaput. S.S.S. today, under my leadership, has become strong only because so many migrants from Konkan region have come to Goaput.

Parritler: Don’t think so seriously of whatever I say in my weekly press conference, many of these things are just a pastime. No pressman has at any time asked me what action I have taken on my policies announced previously.

Bolingker: Yes, yes, yes. I know, but I thought it is better for you to think before you speak.

Parritler: I have no time Guruji to think before speaking or after speaking. (The Sub-Inspector of Police who has been specially chosen by Parritler as the chief of security near the gate of the rest house knocks at the door and enters to inform Parritler that Mr. Mone and the trainees from Gujarat have come for the meeting. Ghaatrao Singh Mone comes in, in a highly agitated mood.)

Mone: You should give proper instructions to the Police. The Sub-Inspector stopped me outside saying I was not allowed to get in because I am a Tonga Race Party man.

Parritler: Sorry, sorry! I forgot to tell him that you are member of Pejek Dee Party secret Cabinet. (The two trainees from Gujarat come in and join the secret cabinet.)

Dhoklabhai: Sirjee, Conratulasons! Your newspaper say the Filth Festival will take place in Goaput.

Parritler: Yes, yes. I told you my Government is very efficient.

Papdiben: Sirjee, that Dandovi Blue floating hotel which you people started is good for Filth Festival?

Parritler: Yes, yes. Tourists can go and enjoy food in that hotel.

Bolingker: You can also show films there.

Papdiben: We can call these films Dandovi Blue films!

Bolingker: (Shouting) No, no! (Looks at Parritler and keeps quiet)

Parritler: (To trainees) You have any more questions on other subjects?

Dhoklabhai: Yes. Sirjee, newspapers say you will stop outside people coming to Goaput.

Papdiben: Yes, yes. You said vibrason should be stopped.

Parritler: It is not vibrason. It is migration, migrant labour.

Dhoklabhai: How do you want to stop it? We can repeat your formula in Gujarat.

Parritler: I will tell you. I will stop all fishing activities by trawlers in Goaput, because these trawlers employ all outsiders. I will stop all road and building construction activities in Goaput because all construction workers are outsiders. I will close down Goaput University because 99% teachers there are from outside Goaput. I will stop all steel industries in Goaput because they employ only people from outside Goaput. I will close down all big hotels in Goaput because all top managers of these hotels are from outside. I will close down all haircutting saloons in Goaput because all barbers now come from North India.

Dhoklabhai: Very good! But Sirjee, if you do all that, Goaput will be backward like our Kathiawad area.

Bolingker: Yes! That is exactly the idea. Goaputans will then have to go to Mumbai for jobs like the people from Konkan area. In Mumbai, like the Konkan people, Goaputans will also become members of Shiv Sena and in Goaput they will make the S.S.S. strong. When S.S.S. becomes strong, it will drive away all minorities from Goaput.

Papdiben: (To Bolingker) Saheb, you are head of Goaput S.S.S. Why did you accept Nasonal Teacher’s Award from India President who is a Muslim?

Bolingker: (Laughing) We must be practical. We are all men of principles, provided the principles pay.

Papdiben: I do not understand.

Dhoklabhai: (To Papdiben) Our party respects those minority people who are in high posison.

Mone: What have you people thought about defeating Easy-Dhor? There are reports that the United Goaput Erratic Party and the Maa-Rashtra Shokaantak Party have quarrels in their Parties about supporting Tonga Race Party candidate. This will make Easy Dhor stronger?

Parritler: No, no. Do not think I am sitting silent. I have called the United Goaput Erratic Partiy’s Chief and told him to support Tonga Race Party. Similarly, I called Sab-Din Ao-Lekar and told him not to fight with other leaders in Maa-Rashtra Shokaantak about supporting Tonga Race Party.

Mone: Why will they do what you want them to do?

Parritler: The usual trick! I promised the UGEP Chief lots of money after the election and promised Sab-Din Ao-Lekar that I will allow the Public Perks Department under him to build the Express way from the Northern end to Southern end of Goaput. I have promised him that Goaput Infrastructure Development Corruption Ltd. does not want a share in the cake.

Mone: It is better that you organise more raids of Income Tax Department on Khaghus Honrado so that he takes less interest in supporting Easy-Dhor in Rotigao election. (Shabu Slumgaonkar joins the meeting)

Shabu: I am sorry! I am late for the meeting. I was busy finding out if I can set up slums in Rotigao constituency before the election to defeat Easy-Dhor.

Arre, I forgot to tell you the CID man is waiting outside. I heard him talking to the Police Sub-Inspector. He was saying CBI is going to raid the houses and offices of all the members of the secret cabinet.

Parritler: How can that be? They have no powers over the State Government.

Bolingker: This is not the time for debate about their powers. You also do things many times without having power to do those things. The most important thing now is to stop CBI.

Parritler: Yes, yes, let’s go; the meeting is over.

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