The scene of action now shifts from the Maramari beach to the CM’s residence, but all are now burkha-protected. ARAVIND BHATIKAR peeps beyond the veil.

THE MEETING of the Secret Cabinet of the Goaput Government last Monday took place in the Chief Minister’s residence on the hill.  Six persons in saffron burkhas were attending the meeting. They could be identified only by their voices.

Ghatrao Singh Mone:  What happened?  Why did you again change the place of the meeting?  And why are we forced to wear these saffron burkhas?

Parritler:   You see, newspapers have again reported what happened at our meeting last Monday at Maramari beach.  Besides, it is not safe to have meetings anywhere in Goaput now.  These women from Baina might reach there.  It is better to have our meetings with police protection.

Shabu Slumgaonkar: But why these burkhas ?

Parritler:   Arre, no place is safe from those hidden cameras of Tehelka.  That is why this trick!  Let their cameras photograph our burkhas.

Shabash Bolingker:   But we can be identified by our voices!

Parritler:   We can say these are not our voices, but imitations!

Mone:   Who are these two extra burkhas?  There should be only four of us in
the secret cabinet.

Parritler:   These are trainees from Gujarat.  One is Rotlabhai and the other one is Mithiben.  Mithiben is the State Secretary and Rotlabhai is the State Treasurer of Pejek Dee Party in Gujarat.

Shabu: What training do they want in Goaput?  Making Feni? Playing football?

Parritler:   Modibhai has sent them here.  Let them tell in their own words.  (Looking at burkha number one)  Rotlabhai, you tell us why you have come.

Burkha number 1 :  I am Mithiben.  Rotlabhai is sitting here, - burkha number two.  (Everybody laughs)

Rotlabhai:   Modibhai sent us here for three months’ training.  Sirjee (referring to C.M.) has managed Government for more than three years, though it is minority Government.  Sirjee is successful in fooling all Goaputans at all times.  Sirjee change rules, change laws, change officers, change ministers, does any illegal thing and not getting caught!  Doing very good dictatorship in democracy! And see how wonderful! No Enquiry Commission, no High Court, no Supreme Court, no press report, nothing at all against sirjee!  Wonderful !  Wonderful !  I will read last sentence of our order; “you are hereby sent for training under the Goaput Chief Minister for a period of three months or till the Pejek Dee Government falls, whichever is earlier.”

Mithiben: In Gujarat anything that we do, we have lot of trouble.  If we take good training here, we shall have no trouble there.  Sirjee, please don’t mind our Engliss. (A police constable knocks at the door and opens it. Another person walks in wearing a Saffron burkha)

New Burkha: (Shouting) I am Easy Dhor Morna Dis.  Why this stunt of wearing burkha?  Three constables outside caught me and forcibly put this burkha on me.  Is this the way you treat your MLA’s ?  (Easy Dhor Morna Dis is the Suknni language equivalent of easy to catch until the day of death.  People have given him this name because any political party can buy him and rebuy him if he leaves again and again until his death.)

Parritler: I shall tell you afterwards why you are forced to wear a burkha.  I called you to find out when you are joining the Pejek Dee party.

Easy Dhor:   Do you not read newspapers?  I am consulting my people daily. There are ten factions in Tonga Race party.  I have to have ten meetings.  There are ten Panchayats in my constituency and each Panchayat has three factions.  So I have to have thirty meetings.  Total forty meetings.  I have almost finished all the meetings.  But I will not join you if you do not pay me more than what you have paid to Stiff Lip Meri and Hathani Mal-Ghena.  You must give me at least Rs. 1 crore.

Parritler: One crore?

Easy Dhor: Yes, because Tonga Race party says if I remain in their party for three months, they will form the Government, give me Rs. 5 crores and make me minister for Town Planning.

Parritler: They are telling you lies.  From where will they give you 5 crores?

Easy Dhor: One powerful faction of Tonga Race Party told me that they will join Pejek Dee party, learn all your tricks and then leave Pejek Dee and rejoin Tonga Race Party by taking some more Pejek Dee MLA’s along with them.
Mone: Even if they form the Government, from where will they bring Rs. 5 crores ?

Easy Dhor:   They say you are making money in the name of IFFI.  They promised to bring Olympics to Goaput.

Mone: Olympics in Goaput?  Are they mad?  We have no grounds, no big stadiums, no proper roads!  They are joking!

Easy Dhor:   (To Parritler )  If you can hold IFFI in Goaput without having any proper theatres  they should be able to conduct Olympics without any proper grounds or stadiums.

Shabu: (To Easy Dhor) You have come to join our party but it seems you are still supporting them.

Easy Dhor: I am telling you facts.  I have to leave now for my next meeting.  (to Parritler)  Let me know about Rs. 1 crore within the next 24 hours.  (Easy Dhor leaves.  There is another knock at the door and another burkha walks in with two fat books in hand.  He talks in a foreign accent.)

The New Burkha: I am Harry Dodol, consultant from England.  May I sit ?

Parritler: Please sit down in that chair.  Rotlabhai, you please sit in that other chair in that corner.  (Harry Dodol sits by the side of Mithiben.)

Bolingker: Why have you called Mr. Dodol here?

Parritler:   He is a very famous international consultant.  He met me last time when I was in England.  He had hosted a dinner in my honour.

Mone: (Joking) You mean dinner can be so rewarding?

Parritler:   No, no ! Don’t speak like that in the presence of Guruji .

Bolingker: Yes, yes.  We in the S.S.S. do not tolerate corruption.

Parritler: I have invited Dodol to sort out the great confusion taking place here. For the IFFI works.  I have appointed twenty consultants and five consultants-in-chief. Everybody is fighting with everybody else and they are creating problems.  My Guilty-plex and Kaala Akademy should be ready by October.

Mithiben: What are these Guilty-plex and Kaala Akademy ?

Parritler: Both these are places where IFFI pictures will be shown.

Rotlabhai: Will Guilty-plex allow only guilty people and Kaala Akademy allow only people who do “black?”
Parritler: Guilty-plexes are there all over the country.  People who go to see films there feel guilty of wasting their money.  Kaala Akademy got its name ‘Kaala’ from a foreign consultant who pronounce Kala as Kaala.  Everybody after that started calling it Kaala Akademy because whatever foreign consultants say is always right.

Bolingker: No, no, no.  I object.  This is against our Indian culture.  At least Pejek Dee Government  should not accept this name.

Parritler: No, no, Guruji, this Kaala Akademy was built and named long time back when Pejek Dee party was not in power.

Mone: Any way, you were telling us why you called this foreign consultant.

Parritler:   Yes, there is lot of confusion created by these twenty consultants and five chief consultants.  That is why I am appointing a principal chief consultant to sort out confusion among all these consultants.

Shabu:  Why has he brought these fat books here? Who does he want to impress?

Harry: These are Oxford dictionaries.  There are words in these dictionaries which no one can understand.  I want to use these words to describe my work so that very few people understand what my work is.  If they can’t understand, how will they find fault ?  The Chief Minister has told me to be very careful in preparing the contract so that nobody can find out what work I have done and how much I have paid to Pejek Dee party.

Shabu: Our Chief Minister is brilliant.  He has an IIT brain!

Parritler : Shabu! (Raising his hand and asking Shabu to keep quiet) (To consultant) You can start your work immediately.  I want Guilty-plex and Kaala Akademy to be ready by October.

Harry : Ok. (Harry leaves) There is a knock at the door and Sab-Din Ao-Lekar the minister for ‘Public Perks Department’ comes in.  This minister’s name was given to him by all North Indian contractors working in Goaput.  He always asked them to keep something on his table everyday.  The Hindi words Sab-Din Ao-Lekar means, “bring something everyday don’t come empty handed.”

Sab-Din : (To Parritler) I am warning you, every body knows that you have started Goaput Infrastructure Corruption Ltd. just to make money yourself.  I am sitting in Public Perks Department without any work.  I have shown lots of patience with you; remember, this express-way from northern end to southern end of Goaput will be done by my department.  If you even utter the name of it, I shall resign from the Government.

Parritler : Your Department procedure is so long and so inefficient !  See how fast I am doing work in Infrastructure Corruption Ltd ! I have purposely kept a part time Managing Director there for the last three years.  The Chief Executive officer whom I have appointed is a non Goaputan from Mumbai and 58 years old.  I have done all this manipulation just to control everything myself.  I have organised the whole thing in such a way that nobody can catch me.

Sab-Din : You do what you like with your corruption company.  But henceforth I will not allow you to keep me idle. (Sab-Din walks away angrily)

Bolingker : You must keep an eye on him.  There are rumours that he is withdrawing support to the Government.
Parritler : Don’t worry Guruji, I know how to play politics.

(There is a knock at the door and another burkha walks in.  He announces himself as Sab-Din Ao-Lekar.  Parritler asks him why he has come again.  Sab-Din replies that he has come only just now because he was delayed due to pot-holes on the roads.  Every body wonders who the previous burkha walla was.)

Bolingker : (To Parritler) That previous burkha walla who claimed to be Sab- Din Ao Lekar must have recorded whatever you said. (Parritler gets busy telephoning the PSI of Town Police Station) .

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