The Goaput government has now gone hi-fi. They meet in a bus in the sky. While sex rockets make news, Parritler refuses to get rattled.   ARAVIND BHATIKAR finds out what conspired at the meet in the air.

THE MEETING of the Secret Cabinet of the Pejek Dee Government in Goaput took place last Monday in the sky bus at the railway station of Merdegao in the dark of the night.  To ensure secrecy, Cabinet members and the trainees came for the meeting in black and yellow taxis owned by Shabu Slumgaonkar.

The secret cabinet members would have been drowned in the Arabian sea when the Off Shore Casino in which they met last time sank in the sea.  They were rescued by a Pakistani trawler which had been allowed illegally by the Goaput Government to fish in the troubled waters of Goaput to promote friendly relationship between the Fisheries Minister of Goaput and the Pakistani Trawler owner.  Shabash Bolingker was refusing to jump on to the trawler because it was owned by a Muslim.  He agreed to be rescued only after Gharoghar Parritler assured him that the Muslim trawler owner would be arrested on reaching the Fondji river jetty. (Fondji is the name given to the capital of Goaput by its people, because of big pot-holes on the roads of the capital.  The word “fond” in Suknni language means a pot-hole.)

Parritler:   We must decide today how to defeat Easy-Dhor.

Ghaatrao Singh Mone: You see, I told you last time that idea of Hindu wave by Surma Bharti and Savarkar is all nonsense.  Now the Pejek Dee party in Maa-rashtra also says the same thing.  Commode Hahajan has said that they will fight election on economic issues.

Bolingker: But you cannot say that.  Forty-three Goaputans had gone with Trishuls to Maa-rashtra to destroy Afzal Khan’s tomb.  That proves that Goaputans know what Hindu is.

Shabu Slumgaonkar: No, no, Goaputans don’t know who is Afzal Khan. They think he is a taxi driver in Merdegao.

Parritler:   What to do? Shall we start communal trouble between Christians and Hindus?  If we succeed in that, voters of Rotigao will throw out Easy Dhor.  We can make noise against Sonia Gandhi.  She is Christian and Italian.

Mone: Pejek Dee party made such noises before Parliamentary election but it had no effect.  It will have no effect here also.  Now Hindus and Christians in Goaput have started marrying each other. They will not fight.

Bolingkar:   Why not we start fight against Central Government?

Parritler:   How will that defeat Easy-Dhor?

Bolingker: Central Government is run by a Christian, Sonia Gandhi.  Hence Goaputans can be taught to be against Christians.

Parritler: I do not think it will work but I have started doing it.  I have withdrawn permission for CBI to have office in Goa.

Mone: It is useless.  I had also done it when I was the Chief Minister of Goaput. But they started in Goaput again.

Dhoklabhai:   Sirji, You have stopped CBI from working in Goaput.  That means they cannot now catch you or any other minister ?

Shabu: Good, good! (To Parritler)  You are an ITI brain.

Mone: You people don’t understand.  CBI can work in Goaput even if Parritler closes their office in Goaput and CBI cannot catch Goaput Chief Minister and Goaput ministers even if they have office in Goaput.

Papdiben: Sirjee, this is too difficult to understand.

Shabu: (To Papdiben and Dhoklabhai) Mone will explain to you after our meeting.  (To Parritler) I will give you an idea.  You stop Doordarshan office, Telephone Department, Army, Navy, Mormugao Port, all belonging to Central Government.  Let us teach them a lesson.

Dhoklabhai: (To Parritler) Yes, yes.   Sirjee that is good idea.  You stop buying electricity from India Government also.  Let them make loss.

Bolingker: Yes, yes we must encourage ancient Hindutva traditions. Our forefathers did not have TV, telephone and electricity but they were very happy.

Mone: You should not wear pant and shirt because that is foreign.

Dhoklabhai: Yes, yes we should all wear dhoti and kurta like we do in Gujarat. That is real India.

Parritler: That is why I am always wearing shirt like a kurta and chappal to carry on our Indian tradition.

Papdiben : Sirjee, you should remove your pant !

Parritler: What ?

Papdiben: And wear Dhoti!

Mone: How will all this defeat Easy-Dhor?

Parritler: (To Mone) You are right.  If I implement Shabu’s ideas Pejek Dee Government will be dismissed by the Central Government.

Mone: In any case, if Goaputans have to go without TV, telephone and electricity, they will not only defeat Easy-Dhor but also all of you from Pejek Dee party.

Bolingker: What to do ?

Papdiben: (To Parritler ) Sirji, you was saying Khaghus Honrado supporting Easy Dhor.  If you show to people sex rocket of Khaghus Honrado, women voters will not vote Easy Dhor.

Parritler: (Laughing loudly) No, that cannot be done, because there are family members of other supporters of Pejek Dee party in sex rockets.  We cannot reveal their names.

Mone: (With panic) Yes, yes, we should not do it !

Parritler: I have already told the Police Inspector in Fondji city to look into police records and report all pending cases against Easy Dhor from ten years back.  We should do here what the Pejek Dee party did in Jharkhand to Shibu Soren.

Mone: It will be much easier to find old cases against Khaghus Honrado.

Shabu: What to do if Khaghus Honrado resigns from Pejek Dee party and withdraws support to our Government ?

Bolingker: We will have to purchase more Tonga Race party MLAs.

Dhoklabhai: Sirji was saying it is difficult now to collect money from contractors.

Parritler: Yes, but I am trying to collect more through Goaput Infrastructure Corruption Ltd.

Papdiben: (To Parritler) Sirji, you told us to go and sit with accountant in that office and to learn how you collect money.  But in that office, nobody speaks.  If we ask anything, everybody confused and looking at each other.  They say, ask Chairman.

Parritler: (Laughing) Yes, yes, next time come with me.  I will show you.  I have purposely not appointed a full time Managing Director in that company.  I have also appointed a 58 year old engineer from Mumbai as the Chief Executive officer.

Dhoklabhai: Can you collect more money if you appoint old engineers?

Parritler : Not like that.  Since he is already 58 years old and getting good salary, he will not oppose me or give out secrets.

Bolingker: You must be careful.  After the Pejek Dee Government falls, there would be enquiry and all corruption will be known.

Parritler: No, no, don’t worry.  We will force Tonga Race Party to appoint a judge to conduct enquiry.  People will be happy.  Judge will take three years to complete enquiry.  By that time, people will lose interest.

Mone: We must find out other ways of collecting money to secretly support independent candidate against Easy Dhor.

Parritler: I have increased the power of all Planning and Destruction Authorities (PDA’s) by including all important villages in PDA.  I have appointed my own men as Chairman of these PDA’s.  Now they can collect more money for the party.

Papdiben: (ToParritler) Sirji, they give all money to party?  They don’t keep any money in their pocket?

Parritler: I allow them to keep some money in their pocket.  We have special tailors trained to make only small pockets for all Pejek Dee ministers.

(The Managing Director of the Sky Bus Corporation brings a note and gives it to Parritler by saying it was sent by the CID.  Parritler reads it.)

Parritler:   Good news!  All opposition parties have come together and have appointed a common candidate for the Rotigao election.  This is very good!  Easy-Dhor will be defeated!  Khaghus Honrado will be put to shame!

Mone: Butthat is not enough.  We must ask the Income Tax Department to organise more raids on him.  That will destroy him totally.

Parritler: I will have to be careful.  He might give out secrets of others.  That means Income Tax will raid all ministers of Pejek Dee party.

Bolingker: Too complicated! If you do not want Income Tax to raid, I can ask our S.S.S. members to raid!  They are experts in raiding and destroying other peoples’ property.

Mone: It is better you use them for Maa- rashtra and Ayyogya.

Parritler: I will have to see, but I think now our problem is solved by Opposition Parties.  Now we must help them to elect their candidate.

(Parritler signals to Managing Director of the Sky Bus Corporation, who is waiting on the ground.  He issues orders to the operator to open the doors of the Sky Bus.  But the doors do not open.  The cabinet members cannot get down from the Sky Bus.  Parritler informs other that this was the first day of the trial-run of the Sky Bus and that he should not have organised the meeting in the Sky Bus.  Parritler calls fire brigade on his cell phone but asks them to come without making any siren-noise.  Goaputans should not know that the Sky Bus has problems.)

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