In his in this week's column instalment ARAVIND BHATIKAR focuses on the reaction of senior political leaders of Goaput to the 'Tehelka' exposé.

THE SECRET meeting of the Goaput Cabinet last Monday took place on the Mara-Mari beach in darkness at 9 pm.  The Mara-Mari beach is so called because the S.S.S. volunteers are trained there to do maramari with their lathis.  They are also trained in swimming. The S.S.S. expects the Chief Minister of Goaput and some other ministers to be jailed in Bhagwada jail some time in the future when the Tonga Race party comes to power.  The S.S.S. volunteers are training themselves to free their leaders from jail and swim to freedom with their leaders.

Ghat Rao Singh Mone: Why this meeting in the dark on this beach ?

Parritler: I thought, I had driven away the Tehelka fellows from Goaput.  But recently they have revealed, in a film, to the whole world the ugly side of tourism .  They are very clever.  It is no longer safe to sit in my cabin or on the hill and have our meetings.  They may have already planted some invisible video cameras there. That is why I asked you people to come here for the meeting.

Shabash Bolingker: But people will see our red light cars parked near the beach. So they will know!

Parritler: No, no.  I have given instructions that our red light cars should be taken back and parked at the Secretariat.  We will call them after the meeting.

Shabu Slumgaonker:   I had to come here on a pilot motorcycle because my red light car jumped down in a ditch at Jumpal.  Your IFFI work is full of holes and ditches.

Mone: Did the pilot recognise you?

Shabu : No, he started fighting with me for giving Rs.100.  I told him, "I am a Minister."

Parritler: Then what happened?

Shabu: He laughed loudly and said, “If you are a Minister, I am the Chief Minister!” and he started shouting and calling people.  I gave him Rs.200 and ran away from there.

Bolingker: (To Parritler) You are great! How did you manage to save your Government, after Sticky Shake-Shake-Oh withdrew support?

Parritler : I have collected enough cash for distribution to our members for not defecting and Tonga Race party members for leaving from there and coming here.

Mone: Could you get such large funds from IFFI contracts?

Parritler: Yes.  Besides, our government has purchased many properties to shift government offices there.  During the last two years the office space the Government has purchased from private builders is more than all the office space purchased during the last 43 years.

Shabu: Won’t the CBI catch you ?

Parritler: Arre, these are big matters! You will not understand.  Such money is collected, kept and distributed out and out.  My problem is that contractors and builders are not willing now to give big money because they think our Government will fall.  They also know that we cannot get any protection from Delhi Government now.

Bolingker: I am sure you will find some other way to collect funds.

(Looking around)   Arre, I hope there are no small children around here.  People might accuse us of hydrophelia.

Mone: You mean paedophilia?

Bolingker: Yes, yes, the same thing.

Parritler: (Laughing) No, no, that problem is not so serious.  In fact, I am afraid, that Tehelka film may attract more foreign tourists to Goa in search of children.

Shabu: That gives me an idea.  Why not you ask Goaput Viewsline to make a ”secret” film on rave party and Baina-type localities in Goaput?  We can show these films and attract more tourists.

Parritler: (Raises his hand and signals to Shabu to stop talking) We must send teams abroad to study how rave parties, C.S.W. activities. take place there so that we can take steps to control it in Goaput.

Bolingker: (To Mone) Some years back you had sent a team to Singapore to study administration!

Mone: Yes! We studied it in detail and after coming back we changed the uniform of the Police Department.

Parritler: Let us not waste time in these discussions.  I am planning to change the uniform of the Police Department into khaki shorts and lathis. By the way, what happened in Delhi?  Will they make you the Tonga Race Chief Minister?

Mone: I am fed up.  I will not go to Delhi again.  Everybody there calls me Mr. ”LOO”.  One officer even asked me how I looked so much like an Indian.  (All the others laugh) My visiting card gives my name and below that is written “Leader of the Opposition” (LOO).

Parritler: What did they say about making you CM?

Mone: They said there are ten Tonga Race MLAs from Goaput who want to be Chief Minister. This includes all ex-CMs.  Delhi guys want a strong Chief Minister.  Hence they have decided all ten of us should compete in a one-km running race.  Whoever completes running first will be made the Chief Minister.

Bolingker: Please let us know the date of the race.  I will organise a dinner party on the previous night and give scotch.  The party will be on “Boglant” beach.

Shabu: Why party to Tonga Race fellows ?

Parritler: Arre, you won’t understand.  We will get them so drunk up that none of them will be able to complete the race the next morning.  That means I can continue to be the CM.

Bolingker: (To Parritler) You are sometimes rash and reckless.  Why did you say you are ready to face an inquiry on the IFFI projects?

Mone: Yes, it was risky because such inquiries can be dangerous.

Shabhu:(To others) You people don’t know.  Parritler’s brain is IIT brain.  He will never be caught.

Parritler: Shabhu, you have started talking sense.  Even if they find that we have committed illegal acts and made lots of money, what will happen?  We can say that the inquiry result is politically motivated.

Bolingker : Yes, but what will you say if the Accountant General points it out ?

Parritler : I will do what Jayalalita did in Tamil Nadu.  She blamed the Accountant General, Tamil Nadu, for being politically motivated.  I can also do the same.

Mone : If people go to court ?

Parritler : We know how to take care of legal matters.  Has any minister in Goa been found guilty?

Shabu : An astrologer told me that our Government will fall and Parritler will be jailed in Bhagwada jail.  I told him our S.S.S. volunteers are taking training for swimming in the sea.  They will free Parritler from Bhagwada jail.  I have an idea. Why don’t the S.S.S. volunteers train Jharkhand Mukti Morcha volunteers to swim in the sea?  They could free Xibu Suren!

Parritler : (Shouting at Shabu) Shabu keep quite!  There is no sea in Jharkhand.

Three women are seen walking on the beach towards the secret Cabinet meeting.  They come very near the Cabinet members and ask them in “unchaste” Hindi, “Do you want anything?”  The secret Cabinet is confused.  One woman recognises Shabu and shouts, “Shabu patrao, how are you?”   (Everybody looks at Shabu)

Shabu : Let me see what they want. (Shabu gets up and takes them some distance away and talks to them.  They are seen gesticulating and quarrelling with him. Shabu comes back) They are displaced sex workers from Baina and they are carrying on their profession on Maramari beach.  When I told them that the Chief Minister is here, they threatened to shout and make allegations against us about molestation and gang-rape.  They will keep quiet only if the CM gives in writing that they will be resettled in other parts of Goa.  What shall we do?  (Everybody looks at everybody else and starts thinking.  Everybody is nervous.  Chief Minister tries to call the police on cell phone. The Police control room and the cell phones are busy)

Bolingker: My God! Just now I had enough trouble, when there was allegation about molestation of a girl in my school.  Now these women have come! What shall we do?

Parritler: We already have enough trouble about IFFI, paedophilia, molestation in our S.S.S. school and Government falling!  Any idea about how to solve this problem?

Shabu: We can promise to resettle them near the proposed truck terminal at the bus-stand of Merde-gaum.

Parritler: Good idea!

Mone: Let us write it and give to them.  (Everybody looks for a piece of paper, ultimately, Parritler takes out a piece of paper from his chappal, Mone writes on it, Parritler signs and Shabu gives it to the women and warns them to quietly go away from the scene.)

Parritler: It is dangerous to have meeting on the beach.  Next meeting will be somewhere else.  How do those women know you, Shabu?

Shabu:  I had gone to the Baina colony sometime back to inaugurate a loo. (Everybody laughs. Mone blushes)

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