Fun never sets in Goaput. Political fun that is. Nobody is sure whether the offshore casino is sinking or the government in power. ARAVIND BHATIKAR reports.

THE MEETING of the secret cabinet took place last Monday in the offshore casino.  Actually speaking, the casino boat is anchored only a few meters away from the shore to satisfy the law that the casino in a boat should be off shore.  This time, at Parritler’s request, the casino boat was taken about 5 kms away from the shore and anchored in the middle of the sea.  The owner of the casino had been inviting Parritler for a long time and Parritler now had agreed to conduct the meeting of the secret cabinet there provided the casino was kept closed to other gamblers during the meeting of the cabinet.  The owner had protested because this would cause loss to him.  Parritler assured the casino owner that his loss would be compensated by writing off his dues to Government-owned CDC (Corruption Development Corporation).

As usual Parritler, Shabash Bolingker, Ghaatrao Singh Mone and Shabu Slumgaon-kar attended the meeting.  The two trainees Dhoklabhai and Papdiben were also present.

Parritler: We have now to discuss how to defeat Easy Dhor.  The consultants who came from Gujarat last time to tell us how to win elections were useless.  We have to have our own methods to fight Khaghus Honrado and his growing influence on the Pejek Dee Government.

Bolingker: Let us invite Surma Bharti to create a wave in Goaput. (Surma Bharti is so called because she applies lot of surma in her eyes)

Mone: That will not work because even her arrest by the court did not create a wave.  Only Pejek Dee Party members shouted slogans and nobody else joined.

Parritler: I think that Tiranga Campaign by Pejek Dee  party was a great success.

Mone: Nonsense! You people do not know statistics.  80% of India’s population is below 60 years of age and they have not seen British Raj.  So freedom of India does not mean much to them.  Those who are above 60 are more worried about their pension and daily bread than your tricolour.

Shabu: Even the Pejek Dee party workers from Goaput cancelled their programme of going to Bangalore for tricolour satyagraha.

Mone: A tailor from Goaput who was given orders to stitch 1000 tricolours brought blue, yellow and red tricolours.  He says the Pejek Dee party did not mention the colours of the tricolour flag they wanted.

Bolingker: (To Mone) I think you are again going towards Tonga Race party inspite of all that Pejek Dee party has done for you.

Parritler: Don’t start fighting.  Guruji, Mone does not support Tonga Race party.  He cannot do it again.  Only he and I know the reasons.

Shabu:  Why don’t we use Vinayak Savoikar’s name to create a wave in Goaput? He is a Goaputan, son of the soil.

Bolingker: Oh God!  Shabu it is not Savoikar, it is Savarkar.  For your Information, Savarkar is not from Goaput.

Mone: That name also cannot create a wave in Goaput because very few Goaputans read history.  Besides, Goaputans do not like people who wear black caps.  Nobody in Goaput wears a cap.

Parritler: We have to think of how to defeat Khaghus Honarado’s activities in Rotigao and Khaudhongri for getting Easy Dhor elected.  He has promised those people to put up a factory there.

Bolingker: We must stop it.

Mone: (To Parritler) You issue an order that factory will not be allowed in that forest.  We must not cut trees.

Parritler: I must ask the Forest Minister to do it.  That will start a fight between the ministers.

Shabu: Who is the Forest Minister?  I do not remember.

Parritler :   I also do not remember.  Let me find out from the Chief Secretary. (Rings up his secretary on cell phone.  His secretary tells him that the Chief Secretary is in Delhi.  Parritler asks his secretary to find out who the Forest Minister is.)

Parritler: In the mean time please suggest other ways to defeat Easy Dhor.

Bolingker: Why do you allow your IAS officers to go to Delhi again and again?

Parritler: They do not take my orders.  They go whenever they want.

Mone: Ask them to go by train.  They will stop going.

(Parritler’s cell phone rings.  His secretary informs him that Chief Secretary who is in Delhi cannot remember who the Forest Minister is and he says he has to find out from the file.  Parritler asks his secretary to find out from the file and inform him.)

Parritler: Chief Secretary does not remember the name of the forest minister. We have very forgetful IAS officers in Goaput.

Bolingker: (To Parritler) It is good for them that they forget.  Otherwise all of them will develop heart attacks when working under you.

(Parritler looks nervous.  Mone and Shabu laugh.  Parritler’s gets an SMS on his cell phone : “The CM is himself in charge of the forest portfolio”)

Parritler: I am in charge of forest but I cannot directly stop a factory in Rotigao. Khaghus will resign from Pejek Dee party along with Easy Dhor.

Mone: I shall phone the Tonga Race party secretary in Delhi and ask the Government of India Forest Department to stop this factory.

Parritler: Do it immediately.

Dhoklabhai: Sirjee, why not give the IFFI (International Filth Festival of India) to Rotigao ?

Papdiben: (To Dhoklabhai) No, no, what are you talking?  Where will you show the filth?  Who will see it?

Parritler: (To the trainees)  I think your training is becoming useful.  It is too late now to shift the IFFI from Fondjee to Rotigao but I can definitely give Rotigao a guiltiplex, a four lane highway and a skybus.

Shabu: (To Parritler) Guiltiplex in Rotigao?  You want to show filth in pictures to all unemployed youth?  I have one idea, guiltiplex in Rotigao should be built to provide marriage hall, Panchayat hall, sleeping halls for villagers in rainy season and provisions for burning tortoise coils throughout the night, since lights go off there almost every night.

Parritler: (To Shabu) You are improving !

Dhoklabhai: The four lane road will require repair after every rainy season. Rotigao Sarpanch and other panchas should be given contract to repair the road.  The youth from these villages will get work every year.

Parritler: Wonderful! I see that you are really getting good training in Goaput.

Papdiben:   I have not understood what is this skybus.

Bolingker:   (To Parritler) This is ridiculous.  How can you tell people such a lie ?  You are forgetting your SSS training.  If you keep on telling lies like this, we will have to appoint somebody else as CM of Goaput.

Parritler:   I will give the people of this constituency a big bus without a top so people in the bus can see the sky.  The name of the bus will be skybus.  In rainy season, we shall distribute free raincoats.  People will use their raincoats in the skybus.

Dhoklabhai: But Sirjee, I have one doubt.  All these good things you are doing for this constituency will give votes to Easy Dhor because he is Pejek Dee candidate.  You said you wanted to defeat him.  How?

Parritler: I will ask the Pejek Dee workers to sponsor an independent candidate and they will tell all voters that he is the real Pejek Dee candidate.  He will be a Hindu.  Not a Christian like Easy Dhor.  We shall send thousands and thousands of SSS volunteers to this constituency to spread the Hindutva message to defeat Easy Dhor.

Mone: But can you distribute money to voters like Khaghus Honorado does ?

Parritler: Now it is difficult.  Industrialists and contractors have stopped giving us money because they feel Pejek Dee Government will fall within a few months.

Bolingker: But you must do something.  Do not depend only on SSS volunteers. The Pejek Dee party lost in Parliamentary elections even though lakhs of SSS volunteers spread the message of Hindutva.

Mone: I can tell the Income Tax to raid Khagus’s house again.  This time we can see that he is caught red-handed.

Parritler : Good idea.  But it has to be done quickly.  I shall tell you where he is hiding his money.

(Parritler calls the manager of the offshore casino and tells him that they have finished the meeting.  The manager tells him that there is some technical trouble in the engine and hence the boat cannot move.  He invites them to gamble until the boat starts moving.  The cabinet members are about to start gambling, when the manager comes running and announces that the boat has started sinking.  All the members and the trainees are seeing shouting at each other in total confusion and nervousness.  The manager is seen trying to tell something to them, but nobody is listening.)

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